We Can Do Hard Things

I know this is a bit of a shift from what most of my blogs are about, but it was on my heart ... so here we go!

A friend who moved away a few years ago was back in town the other day. We got together so we could chat and our kids could all run through the woods like wild things and get out their energy on the trampoline. As we were catching up, she asked about my experience with foster care. A friend of hers was considering opening her home to a child. Her question to me brought back memories of a challenging time in the life of my family. So I shared, maybe a bit too bluntly and honestly, just how difficult it is to literally invite a difficult situation into your home.

While over the years we have had many children stay with us short-term for respite, we did have one child (who I will call “D”) as a part of our family for a summer. It was difficult for my “stuck-with-me-forever-since-birth” son because D wanted to do everything he did. And shadow him around everywhere. And touch all of his things. It was difficult for my husband because being a “substitute father” for things like teaching D to ride a bike ment robbing D’s actual father of that experience. It was difficult for me because I constantly had the feeling my parenting was under the microscope with agency workers, guardian-ad-litems, friends, and family. There were also unique challenges you don’t think of like having to drive 20 minutes into town before bedtime each night on a camping trip so that we could get cell service and D could have his goodnight call with his mom and dad.

But while with foster parenting you are inviting a difficult situation into your home, that “difficult situation” is in the package of an actual small human who has not at all chosen to be in this situation. And while I don’t want to gloss over the fact that being a foster parent is hard, it pales in comparison to how hard it is to be a kid in foster care.  

And that is why we do it. Because if we can be a soft landing even for a short time for a kid who is dealing with and will continue to deal with some very difficult stuff, it is worth it. Even if that means we are inviting “difficult” into our lives so that we can somehow share in and diffuse their difficulty, it is worth it. Galatians 6:2 says “Share one another’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” The parable that Jesus tells about the sheep and the goats gives the impression that feeding and providing clothing and inviting into our homes “the least of these” is really synonymous with doing the same for God himself.

Maybe you don’t live in a place where foster care is such a big problem. But I’m sure it won’t take you long to come up with “the least of these” that are within your reach. And maybe you do have a heart for kids in foster care, but would not be able to be foster parents. We are currently serving as part of a care team through our church for a foster family. Maybe you could reach out to a foster family in your area and offer to provide a meal or take a kid to a movie or a playground for an afternoon?

D did go back home after a few months with us. We have had the privilege of being able to keep in contact with him and his family. I recently went with him to a WVU basketball game. The attendance at the game was similar to the number of children who are in foster care in our state. It was sobering to look around the arena knowing that fact. Thankfully, D is no longer included in that count. In fact, he doesn’t even remember that he was ever in foster care. But somewhere inside of him, he knows that he can do hard things. And I know that my family and I can do hard things too. 

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